The first time I went to see a therapist, I was in my second year of college.
It was ground zero for getting over my shit.
I didn’t even know I had shit.
But since I was crying (a lot) and couldn’t sleep (at all), I thought I’d give it a go.
It was so embarrassing.
In the student health waiting room, there were two doors: one to see a doctor or nurse, and the other (gulp)…
I got over that by going through the door to the doctors wing
Then snaked around the corridor to her office.
Trisha the therapist was cool about that.
In one of my secret sessions,
I told her how it was.
After more searching questions from Trisha,
I realized that going to parties is not compulsory.
If I had a deep desire to chill that coincided with a party that someone else wanted me to go to, I just could not fathom that it was ok to say no.
It took me a surprisingly long time to get this.
Also, it’s just the teensiest bit arrogant to think others won’t be fine!
It’s almost funny now, looking back.
Except that it wasn’t.
Not following the cues to rest stops you from tapping into what fills you up.
It doesn’t give you time to replenish energetically.
And it for sure stops you from getting to know the part of you that knows everything will be okay, no matter what.
When we’re rushing around all the time, trying to please everyone, thinking we always have to be the funny girl at the party (or the dependable girl, or the “good friend”, we can’t feel our okayness.
Little by little, through having downtime, I discovered things that gave me pleasure.
I still have thoughts about not letting people down, but it’s easier to set them aside and graciously say no when that feels like the best thing to do.
Now if you asked my friends if I have trouble saying “no” they would probably laugh.
That’s how good I’ve got!
If you struggle with this, it’s worth exploring. It’ll open up a whole world of you, that is so much more fulfilling than trying to please others.